Greets, fellow pilots. I know why
you're here. You've been looking around the net trying and trying to find the best
possible way to do this or that. Prompted by an endless flood of 'How exactly do you DO
that' by the staff here at happygamers.com, I feel obliged to give you the five steps
you'll need in order to achieve the one thing I excel at: getting blowed up, and
good-like.
Step 1 - Buy a trackball
This is basic training for GBUGL. Any fellow pilot wishing to perfect GBUGL knows this is
his most prominent tool. The ease and wide maneuverability a regular mouse could keep one
from getting hit at crucial moments. A trackball prevents this rookie mistake. I prefer a
cordless version. Batteries fresh from the remote work best. On extra-special days I find
snacking on Cheetoh's adds just the right touch.
Step 2 - Share your computer
I choose to share one with my wife. Other pilots may not be as blessed as I, but I do
suggest a partner of some sort. My wife is also heavily involved with computers, and I
would highly recommend finding a partner who is as well. Be sure programs such as ICQ,
Norton's, Outlook, MISE, LeechFTP, PaintShopPro, Visual Studio, MySQL, WebSphere Client
and any versions of Word, Excel, Access are either running or have been run in the recent
past. I prefer to use a P-2 300 Celeron, but pilots may choose any speed that you wish.
Remember, faster computers don't get you blowed up any faster.
Step 3 - Own cats
This step will only aid pilots on occasion, which is why I have chosen to go with four
cats. Keep pens and/or small objects on or near your keyboard at all times. The shinier
the better, and be sure they make noise and roll around on occasion. 'Cat trample' can
lead to quick and easy death, and at times has been found to eliminate fellow lance mates
with an unannounced full-salvo launch. In addition, collections of cat by-products may
keep the 'o' and 'f' keys from functioning properly, leading to the GBUGL moment of Zen
known as shut-down.
Step 4 - Enhance. Enhance. Enhance.
This step contains many mini-steps to achieve. By enhancing, I mean playing Mech4 as it
was meant to be played. Don't be afraid to turn up resolution to 1280x1024. Make sure the
gamma is as high as is tolerable. Run the voice communication software of your choice. For
GBUGL, I prefer Microsoft's Game Voice over Roger Wilco. While Roger Wilco offers the
pilot the jolting experience of teenage boys screaming animal mating sounds into the
pilot's headphones (generally sending them veering off-course or causing their hands to
slam onto the keyboard in alarm (see Step 3)), Game Voice offers uninterrupted slowdown,
especially when combined with Step 2, cutting response time and accuracy exponentially. Be
sure to check your microphone sensitivity to cut down on echo and to keep yourself from
annoying your lance mates. To avoid this, I prefer a two-headphone setup. One set to
listen to while the other (telemarketer-style) is wrapped around my neck until the
microphone is positioned at the optimum distance for communication.
Step 5 - Think big
Small mechs are for sissies. Nothing strikes fear into an opponent like 100 tons of
unpredictable mayhem. Opposing pilots fear mechs like the Daishi or the Atlas, and will do
anything to eliminate them first. Trick the opposition with speed. Not only will a 73 KPH
Daishi with 3 AC 20's send fear and confusion into enemy ranks, it will separate you from
your lance mates. Arriving first is the GBUGL golden rule, and the chosen AC 20 weaponry
will require you to preferably close to 100 meters to reap their benefit. This task when
combined with Step 1 could be the most effective two-step combination available to the
GBUGL pilot. Opposition numbers and mobility contribute heavily to a GBUGL pilot's
success.
